Soap Operas, Makeover Shows, and Spring Fashion

For the braces record: I’m not sure popcorn is worth it. Eating it is like a soap opera for my mouth.

“Oh, popcorn! I know I shouldn’t be eating you, but you are exactly what I want to consume right now! You’re so wonderful, popcorn! And you come in a giant ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ tin! IN THREE IRRESISTABLE FLAVORS! We’ll be safe as long as your jealous little husks don’t realize that there are places into which they can get lodged!”

And then the corn husk is all like, “Rennie! I’ve discovered the non-space between your back two molars! We’ll be together forever now that I’m wedged between tooth and metal!”

The sound of synthesizer violins fills the room as my eyes well up with tears and I dash to the bathroom to bust out all my food-dislodging tools (God bless you, Waterpik).

Someone keeps bringing bagels to work, though, and that sordid love affair continues. I can’t resist them—although I’ve found that I have much less patience than I used to for bagels with any kind of transferable topping (e.g., cinnamon sugar). This is probably due to my inability to simply bite into the bagel, which forces me to tear it into slightly-less-than-bite-sized chunks with my bare hands (rawr?), leaving said hands and any other surface within three square feet open to sugary assault.

And now for something completely different: the captured-in-a-photo version of my teeth’s continuing journey to bracetastic completion! I present to you the following:

  • Top row: end of second round and beginning of third round
  • Middle row: end of third round and beginning of fourth round
  • Bottom row: end of fourth round and beginning of fifth round

Sidenote: You would be correct in noting that I should be on my sixth round (if you’re keeping track (but pleeeeeease, for the love of sugar cookies, tell me you have better things to do than calculate my braces adjustment periods!)). The sticking point is that I haven’t transferred those pictures from my camera to my computer yet.

All the single braces, all the single braces!

Just like those fancy makeover shows, except that you don’t have to wait 45 minutes for the big reveal.

PROTIP: If you click on the image, it’ll show up on its own in this window.

Crazy, huh?! My teeth are a-movin’ and a-not-really-shakin’! I’m not even halfway through my orthodontia odyssey and such progress has been made.

And check out that gap in my teeth on the bottom row. Pretty gnarly. They achieved that by threading a tiny, tiny spring onto my wire.

We got spring fever, spring feverrrrherrrherrrrrr! We know how to do it!

Because nothing says Halloween and Thanksgiving quite like orange bands on one’s dental hardware.

I took that picture right after I exited Dr. B’s office. By the end of the day, most of the gap you see had developed (please refer to the collage’s bottom left picture). In the span of one workday, the shocking power of a tiny piece of coiled metal had forced two of my teeth apart. Mindblowing. Who came up with this stuff?

The tiny spring and I became fast friends. I have a habit of pushing on my teeth with my tongue (braces or no), so this spring and my tongue became BFFs. Much mindless spinning occurred. It was great.

What wasn’t so great about my friend the li’l spring was the fact that, if my mouth happened to fall open while I slept, my inner lip would adhere to that sucker like Bubblicious to a first-grader’s pigtails. Not the most exciting thing to wake up to (especially when waking up before the sun crawls over the horizon), but I lived. So just be warned about the nighttime treachery you may have to endure if springs are a part of your orthodontic experience.

  • Milestone of note: My right-side crossbite has been corrected! (And there was much rejoicing!)
  • Uncertainty of note: I’m still not sure if I’ll eventually be prescribed rubberbands. Every so often, I consider inquiring after my rubberbandy future, but I end up deciding to let it remain a mystery. I’m along for the ride. It’s been fun so far.

Annnnnnnnnd that’s the view from here! Thanks for watching reading! Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode!


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